Did you think my work was at a desk or in classrooms, keeping an eye on students and teachers, and handling lots and lots of paperwork? That was not so; as you will see.
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The Mystery of the Boy Who Would Not Speak
The boy would not speak. He was referred to me – the school’s disciplinarian – by a teacher who would not tolerate any misbehavior in her class. She was a no-nonsense teacher. Haven’t we all experienced Ms. No-Nonsense? She was the teacher who created a classroom that was so tightly controlled and structured that every student knew her expectations; every student knew her procedures, and every student, even the most defiant in the whole school, complied.
The boy was referred to my office because he would not speak in class – not to the teacher, not to students, not for any reason. He was one of those students found on every campus, the student who easily and unfortunately becomes lost in the shuffle. He was not a troublemaker; he was not high achieving, nor was he deficient; he was not especially popular, yet he was not a loner. He was in the 9th grade and had never been referred to the office before.
I explored with the teacher all kinds of possibilities for his not speaking: classmates, an incident, his relationship with her, his academic performance, and the many other thoughts that came to my mind while trying to help her. In my office – where most referrals were for ditching class, being late, or more seriously, being involved in a fight, drug use, or suspected gang-related activity – this was an alluring mystery that needed to be solved.
I sent for the student and when he reported to my office, he said nothing. Absolutely nothing. As I conducted the disciplinary meeting, I explained that, as the teacher saw it, he was being defiant and insubordinate, and how both were considered violations of the school’s discipline code. I probed and tried different ways to explore his problem, all without success. Since he said nothing, I did all the talking and explained that his parents would have to be notified per school policy, and I outlined the progression of steps that could culminate in his parents being required to come in for a conference. He signed the form and the next day returned it with his parent’s signature as requested.
I allowed some time for him to comply before having to face another referral, but it wasn’t long before he was referred again – by the same teacher, for the same reason.
Before the next meeting, I talked with some of his other teachers. They either did not notice that he had nothing to say or did not see it as a problem; or, according to their grading system and class rules, his behavior was not a disruption. I continued with the progressive steps of the discipline plan to address the continuing referrals by Ms. No-Nonsense.
One time, when he was summoned to my office, I decided to try a new approach by turning the tables: I would not speak to him. I busied myself with paperwork thinking that sooner or later he would become bored and finally speak; but he said nothing.
The situation finally reached the step where a conference with his parents was required. By this time, I had contacted his counselor, who also did not have a clue about his mysterious behavior. We anticipated making a referral for psychological testing as a possible next step.
Finally, it was the day of the conference. The teacher, the counselor, the student, and his mother met with me in my office. In our roles as school professionals, we explored possibilities with his mother while the student looked on politely, but did not speak. His mother, who was obviously expecting another child, said he did the same thing at home starting just a few months earlier.
As we adults talked and tried to collaborate using the information we had, his mother made a casual comment about the boy’s younger brother. It was a simple remark, along the lines of, “His brother, George, reads that book.” Apparently, this was not so, for the student quickly corrected her by saying, “No, he doesn’t!”
This was stunning! It was so unexpected that after all the time we spent accommodating silence, the conversation bounced along to the next person before we all simultaneously realized that the boy had spoken! The mystery was solved as we realized that it was his relationship with his younger brother – combined with the impending birth of a new sibling – that affected him.
He and his mother left my office to meet with his counselor and there were no further referrals about this student.
Why do I tell this story?
I find that it reveals a lot about adults and children.
First of all, there is Ms. No-Nonsense, the teacher who plays tough but is not really all that dreadful. Typically, on every campus there is a teacher like this one – old-school and strict but not necessarily mean (although I have encountered some who were). They are unyielding in demanding an orderly classroom and in being the person in charge of that space. Although the children rarely get to see it, there is often an underlying kindness and sincere concern for their well-being and learning. I saw how students gain a sense of security from the firm boundaries and order found in these teachers’ classrooms, and they usually comply with the teacher’s demands.
In this case, the boy did not really disobey or break any rule; he just did not speak. And this was enough for this teacher to march into the discipline office to lodge a complaint – as this was not to happen in her classroom. At the same time, she was concerned and mystified by the student’s behavior.
That is another reason for reflecting on this incident and writing about it: it is ironic. The adults gather – discussing, demanding, threatening and implementing disciplinary actions for a child who was simply bewildered about new changes in his family. Aside from the light humor, it is also frightening, because many students get lost in school and have no outlet for their concerns and fears.
These students are much like this boy – unnoticed. They simply are not outstanding enough to gain attention like the ten percent who spend their entire school career in the Discipline Office and are well-known to teachers, administrators, and other students in a notorious way; nor are they members of the teams, clubs and performing groups, the Straight-A students who are all well known on campus in an admirable way.
Here we have this boy who, faced with a family problem and unnoticed at school, used his creativity to say so many things – by simply saying nothing.
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