If I met a tomato anywhere, I would just accept it as it is – a tomato. If my husband met a tomato anywhere, he would classify it:
Category: Tomato
Use: Garnish for a sandwich
Alternate Use: Salad ingredient
I know this to be true because it came up when we had lunch at the McCutcheon House on the campus of the University of South Carolina, our flagship university. The House is a fine dining restaurant run by students in the Hospitality Management Program. It offers an elegant experience in the historically restored home with crisp white linen tablecloths, attentive service, and a buffet meal. Here, the specialty of the house is so well known and revered that it has been publicized and its recipe shared. At the McCutcheon House the specialty of the house is the Tomato Pie.
The dear man has had a life-long mission to always get his money’s worth, right down to the last cent. Despite this over-arching goal, he refused to put one of the miniature tomato pies on his plate so that he could taste it. It was only after a lot of coaxing and prodding, that he reluctantly agreed to sample a small piece from my pie. I tried to understand his reluctance and urged him for an explanation. It seems that he could not eat the pie based on his understanding of the nature of a tomato – a tomato! According to him, a tomato is only to be used as a garnish in a sandwich or perhaps prepared in a soup or salad. According to his definition, it should never be used in a pie.
After considering his explanation I countered that whenever I encounter a tomato, I just accept it as a tomato – wherever and however it appears. As I said that, I discovered a significant difference between us.
Where I see myself as a blob – a vague amorphous shape – that extends randomly like a sponge to absorb its surroundings, he is a well-defined, well-constructed box. With his strong structural boundaries, everything must either fit neatly into the box or be excluded. Given my lack of form and structure, almost anything fits and is accepted.
This was a big “Aha” moment for me; I could see a paradigm that I could use to understand so much about the two of us and our differences. Beyond the tomato, it could be applied, for example, to what happens when we receive an invitation to an event.
Where I greet invitations with anticipation, thinking of a good time, friendly people and good food – and may give some fleeting thought to what I’d wear – he meets an invitation with careful consideration. He speculates about all the details – the location, the parking, and the number of guests – working to fit it into party mode. This process I completely fail to understand. So, while I eagerly RSVP, he works to classify the event into the box of his understanding.
This notion called for further exploration. But that would have to wait for another time. When I originally wrote this, we were preparing to go to Charleston on a Saturday afternoon.
A free outdoor concert was scheduled. I figured we would just go – and enjoy it, or not. If not, there is always something pleasant to see, eat, or do in Charleston on a spring afternoon. As I haphazardly filled a tote bag for the day trip, he conducted research going online and calling the box office to fully understand the details before committing to attending. It had to fit into the box.
Ah, Yin and Yang
Yin is characterized as slow, soft, yielding, diffuse, cold, wet, and passive; and is associated with water, earth, the moon, femininity and nighttime.
Yang, by contrast, is fast, hard, solid, focused, hot, dry, and active; and is associated with fire, sky, the sun, masculinity and daytime. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_and_yang
Their interaction is thought to maintain the harmony of the universe and to influence everything within it. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/yin-and-yang
Reflecting on how Yin and Yang each influenced each other
to build an enduring and beautiful relationship
maintaining the delicate harmony of our universe with love,
we celebrated vows taken August 23, 1969.
